1. Wanderlust Wednesday should be turnt into something such as:Wanderlust just because and then when like it comes time for Friday like when it is really late Thursday and in the early parts of Friday, then Friday should be continued to be called like what some people already call it, which is Fall Back Friday or FBF. This is just because Thursday is already considered to be "throw back Thursday" but, I think it needs to be more well known more so as Motivation Thursday/Thursday Inspiration/and like "Thursday the new Friday." But Wednesday I think can be also be called "Old School Wednesday" I think... I cannot recall right now though..
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2. Finally Illinois will allow up to 4 marijuana plants per family as of now. People with severe pain say they smoke the amount that has specifically prescribed for them and yes they do get a slight buzz, but that they are fully in control of themselves to where they are not having as much body pain and aches or chills and that they want to eat again. However, these are people who have tried the pills and also the physical therapies and were having to deal with the potential of their condition getting worse. It has also been reported that they felt a huge change just in their overall state of well-being where they were not stuck in bed all day long and stuff. BUT, they are banning all tobacco products here in Illinois and now college campuses here will not allow you to even smoke outside on their parking lots! I was like wtf when I heard that yesterday and stuff, lol! Also, there is no e-cigs, or no vapes allowed. But if u still do smoke they will let u smoke it in your car though. I am just so glad I do not smoke anymore. I just do not have the desire for it anymore. No matter the day if it is a great day and everything had went as planned I have no desire to reward myself with some Nicotine so I can just relax and make the day go on longer and longer either. And Goddammit!! If my days (lol, like they have been consecutively and in succession, right the fuck now actually) have just been sluggish and I've been taunted, or maybe I expected more from other people and that part failed too!! Then I had thoughts of dying, and I was crying and I was just so very stressed...but then hey look! There is a cigarette on the counter over there and that will help me calm my nerves now! Hell No! lol! And I apologize but in all things that I do, especially in having my diagnoses (well, especially in having my illness even lol) I just have all kinds of moods just by myself! lol, I already say all these mean and nasty things to myself and I do know as I am going out more and more, there will always be that one or maybe even 10 people in there who will never like me. Now to switch that shit on reverse, I too have people I look at them and I just cannot stand their asses either! lol and the sickest part of it is, still to this day I cannot think of one thing they had done wrong to me but all I know is that they had annoyed the shit out of me, lol!
3. When I find my mate they will hurt my little heart. I talk with my family members every day and even more so the ones who live in the east, and even though they do not mean to be just like bluntly religious (and I am serious too, ugh, cause I hate that shit too) while having to recite the fucking Bible to me over just every damn thing while trying to make fun of all the other "heathens" who will all suffer and go to Hell!! o.o I do not think like that at all. They mean well and they heart my little weak heart. I go to substitue in for drums to help some of these underprivilledged kids in a afterschool program which is actually a rasta group here (and I am actually telling the fucking truth here believe it which you won't, and I really do not fucking care cause I have fucking verifiable fucking proof. Okay, and moving on now! lol) and yes, THEY ARE KIDS, but they don't know any better. Had one cute little white child a few weeks past, she was cute as a button and she was 5 and was soon about to turn 6. Little girl came up to me in the hot heat and asked me... "why do black people sweat?" Now she is a kid so I was not going to like blow on her and tell her off and cry ... Nah, oh hell Nah I did not do all that shit, but mind you... YES, I did find that shit offensive and I did feel a bit on the spot and was also embarrassed because it was meditation time so she had done it in front of everyone. So the other little kids opened their eyes up but most just shut their eyes back again, but oddly enough none of them laughed or anything and but neither did she. Anyway, I just went to her little self.. "well shelley is it hot or what out here?" Shelley Laughed a little some, and nodded. Then I said to her, "Yep. It is very hot. The sun, do u see how it is over in the skies like that.." and I had traced my hands around the line of the horizon thingy. And s I looked down She was following her finger next to mine without me having to tell her anything. I said, "Well that sun, it will come down upon us, and we being the mammals that we are... mammals are also known as humans, which we are too... well we all happen to sweat because it is a normal affair, u see?" and as I asked her, I noticed all the other little ones had been watching and looking at us both then. She nodded. So then I asked her another question then too,I said, "Well do you sweat Shelley?" Shelly said to me "Yes I do and so does my brother John." she pointed to John who was sitting in the circle. I turned around and John nodded. I then had turned around and asked some of the other kids since they were awake now and we had only around 6 or 7 min. left anyway, I asked them.. "May I have a show of hands of anyone here who if they are running do they get out of breath and what activity had they done that because they were out of breath that they had become soooo sweaty and then they had to cool off in the shade and then sometimes even drink cool water to calm them down?" So they also were beginning to raise their hands and Shelley did too and she had started to tell me a little bit of her story. I told it in a very entertaining way and I was getting a bit of chuckles in the mix there. But they were appropriate chuckles at that time.
4. What if they were mean laughs? What is Shelley made me cry, and she saw me cry? Am I supposed to fall down and just break then? I might as well get out of the business. Am I to go and reach for a bottle of Jack? Well, I've had some really shitty days there and then I've even had some very shitty days here on this computer here too. The woman do not like me! That;s it, and she ain't coming back neither! No matter what I say, the damn woman ain't gonna have it the way is was before. She told me she ain't coming back, she do not know what I am, she think I am insane, she think I am confusing and very vague af. The woman said she is to be nothing to me, and therefore ordered me to forget her. She flat out said I was not what she expected and that all I did was waste her time. The woman also said to my face that she has no empathy nor compassion for me, that she only sees weakness in me and that she thinks nothing of me more than she does like if she were to flick a piece of lint off of her shirt, and/or were to screw on the bottle cap on her pop bottle she was drinking out of (okay this last part I made up lol, because she didn't say all that... but it is what is made me feel like she had said.). Basically, I'm considered as nothing more than a pawn/toy to her, that I am very weird, that she feels sorry for me, that she was not my therapist (lol, yes she said that to me too... ), and that she could not help me either. After ALL of this, and I was going through my earlier stages of my recovery too though. She would even send me memes to hang myself or kill myself. And EVEN then like right now, I just have no desire to drink or smoke EVER again! Now my mom feels safe enough to have wine in the house, which she does have it and I like how she doesn't have to hide it for fear that I would drink it all up and then start causing shit in my drunken stupor.
5. That is the perfect high! If I were to take the drink! I would be able to take as many pills as I wanted! I'd have the perfect drink with all the liquor in it I wanted and wouldn't harm myself or nobody around me either, for that matter. Then, I'd have my "smokes" in my pocket and at least 2 lighters, a cigar and a half. Lol.. and then be on my way around the block to go get some more weed! lmao... No! There is no perfect drug or drink, maybe there is a perfect blunt lol, but the other things are bad though!! Just saying, yo!
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